Dad2Son

I remember as a young boy watching the Wizard of Oz for the first time and being shocked when I finally got to see the “Wizard.” I think at that point and time in both my life, and within history in general, special effects were neither elaborate or really well known. When all the lighting and sound and “effects” were finally exposed for what they were it was shocking. There behind the curtain sat an old guy on a stool pulling levers and switches. How many times do you hear about people in the most serious relationships  (husband-wife/father-mother/son-daughter/etc) where one individual finds out the shocking truth about what was “behind the curtain” of a loved one. It reminds me of an auditor I knew once that described how almost all of the people he busted for high level financial crimes started small. It would start with something little like hiding a small financial loss in an unknown account. Then they realized they did not get caught so the next time another loss came around they would hide and hide it and hide it…until they finally get caught. I think this is a huge problem for dads because all dads have to have a business/work face. The reason for this is simple: no matter how bad things are at home you are generally expected to perform at work to get your pay check. I think many young men have certain good intentions as they start out trying to be a good dad and certain things happen in life and they begin the “disconnect.” Of course this is not always the case and the patterns of putting up a “curtain” will come and go depending on the season of life and the many variables contained within.

However, this post is about recognizing the fight to tear down the “curtain” and make sure we are “there” and engaged in our family relationships. I know many dads who played at a very high level athletics in college and certainly understand attention to detail from an athletic perspective. To get to the highest level of any sport, attention to the fine details is required. The same is true of relationships and the subtle details are often what defines the difference between a “great/average/or poor” relationship.

The little detail I’m outlining today is the battle to be engaged in the moment. We need to make sure we take down any “curtain,” remove any busy work related thoughts, and engage the moment. This might include actual conversation and it might not, but it’s amazing how well sons can pick up these patterns both with and without verbal communication. As sons get older, often times the “curtain” of who you really are as a person and dad is pulled down whether you like it or not.

Encouragement: Consciously think about engaging moments with your sons with no distractions. Take a quick mental inventory of what’s behind your “curtain” and what needs to change so you can fully engage your sons as they grow. Fight hard to make sure you are not distracted when spending time with them.